News Galore!

Just in case you had any doubts that the world was going to hell in a handbasket, and that the inmates were running the asylum, you just might have had some of those doubts removed in the past week. And those doubts were removed in a very dramatic fashion, as in frontal lobotomy fashion.

“George Carlin, why did you have to die so soon, just before all the fireworks started? Did you actually think that the world was becoming so ludicrous that you couldn’t take it anymore, or think that you would run out of material?”

Let’s look at some of the fun things which happened this week:

  • Sanlu’s dairy products were found to have killed three babies, and caused injury to several thousand others (at least)
  • Baidu was accused of offering to help cover up the scandal by not showing the scope of the scandal in its search results. I wonder what genius came up with the idea that they could cover up a scandal of such immense proportions for a miserable 3M yuan? And who was the genius on the management side who approved such a deal? This would have taken at least two people who had frontal lobotomies. Most of the time, people who come up with dumb ideas like this are only employed in government (Most notably the US government, where they usually run smear campaigns for politicians during elections.) As for Baidu/Alibaba, now Baidu is threatening to sue Alibaba for spreading the Sanlu story. (Isn’t China becoming more like the US every day? At this rate China will be run by lawyers in five years. A sure sign of national dementia.) Are these initial signs that the Americans’ efforts to package and sell stupidity to the Chinese are showing signs of success?
  • Lehman Bros., a US investment bank, declared bankruptcy, and Merrill Lynch sold itself to Bank of America for $50B. I have the utmost admiration for John Thain: Imagine taking a company which was rapidly going down the tubes, whose assets were unclear, and whose non-performing CDOs were increasing by the hour, and he SOLD it for $50B, finding a buyer in BA? Wow, that’s neat! How’d he do that? These bankers are amazing. None of that piddly million here, million there kindergarten dotcom stuff for these guys, we’re talking real money here (even though it’s US dollars).
  • Is it just me, or am I thinking that Imagethief‘s time has come in China? I keep on fantasizing what his first lessons for new official clients might be like. How about this:

    “First of all, let’s get it clear that lies, coverups and people getting poisoned are a necessary part of any nation’s path to greatness. There is no need to deny or cover it up; we must celebrate each event as achieving yet another milestone to greatness! Let’s celebrate it! Let’s roll in it! And let’s become more and more like America with each passing moment! Look at how the Americans don’t discriminate against the mentally handicapped anymore; instead they make them their leaders! If America can do that, then why can’t China! Our goal must be to pollute the global financial system on an even greater scale than the Americans have: this will show the world China’s power!”

  • Hmmm, on second thought…
    UPDATE: Once upon a time, jokes were about comical situations which had a tenuous relationship with reality. Now, the jokes ARE reality.
    DISCLAIMERThe above story is pure satire. Don’t take it as anything else.

One Response to “News Galore!”

  1. Will says:

    You are joking, right? Just checking…

    Wills last blog post..Google, Baidu, and the great China MP3 search swamp